Just Wait
She told me the first thing she wanted to see Monday morning off the train was my face. It wasn’t hard to agree. I was already nearly missing her and she was still standing in front of me. An unavoidable work trip out of state. Just a weekend, she was told. And so I was as well. Two whole days, I lamented. She shushed and soothed. Just two days.
The air had a strange tinge, as if it blew from the future in a sense of foreboding. I wasn’t going to let the gloom of the overcast overshadow my thoughts and darken the weekend any further. Rain began that night, but it felt comfortable. We had shared our first kiss in the rain, so it was like a second home to me. But everything else felt out of place. The couch didn’t feel as warm, the shower a little too wide, and the bed sank the wrong way. But then I recalled. Just two days.
The rain had stopped the next morning, but the overcast hadn’t lifted, casting the world in a grayscale palette. It was then I got her mother’s call. It was then I saw the news. But it wasn’t her train. Her train had arrived safely, just like all the signs said on my way out of the terminal. Her phone was just dead. My mind was just playing tricks on me. After all, she told me. Just two days.
The sun broke through that afternoon, but its light could not shake colour from the petals of the tulips outside the window. It could not lift the blue of the puddles. Everything remained a bleak version of what it had been two days prior. The news reports flew by in tandem with the sympathies. Why did it have to be her? There was 6 people hired at the same time and she had booked off Sunday on purpose. It was 5 years together. They could’ve sent someone else! She didn’t have to go!! Why did they choose that weekend?!? SHE SAID… ahem she said. Just, two days…
Work started the next week again. I came in to see a care basket with a card. I couldn’t pick out what the other items were, they were all blurred together, the lack of colour fading in from one and out the next. It was only the card that was distinct. Black on white. Deepest sympathies on the loss. Written plain as day, if only sunlight was that easy to see. If I would’ve known, I would’ve driven her. It wasn’t that far and a weekend away would’ve been nice. What if I would’ve given those tickets to my brother? I didn’t need them as much as I needed her. I could’ve done something. All just so she could’ve said something else afterwards. After just two days.
Work wasn’t that important. After all, no one had called to ask where I was when I missed my third day in a row. I was in bed, substituting the heat she gave off by creating my own within her sweater. It was strange, this one was her favourite, she always shined so bright when she wore it. But now it was pale, a shadow of what it was in the past. It still had her scent, the one I truly smelt last in her embrace shortly before she boarded the train. First car, as she always liked to experience her adventures with her whole self. But now there was nothing left to experience with her. Her light had vanished, the darkness overtaking it. I pulled the curtains a little tighter, told the alarm there was no more point going off, and curled into the memory of her once again. It always starts the same. Just two days.
They finished the check-up, handing me the prescription to get filled and the number of the specialist to be called. Her mom sat beside me, giving me a comforting smile when I looked her way. What was I doing? Not being able to do anything when this lady was obviously hurting even more than I. And now she was having to take care of me along with herself. We thanked the doctor for his time and left the dim, cramped office. Moving out into the dull hallway, her mom stole a glance at her watch and remarked suddenly that she was late for a meeting. She told me to text her later after I stopped by the pharmacist. When I made my way over, they told me there would be a bit of a wait because they were understaffed and hadn’t received a shipment yet today. I glanced up at the dreary clock on the back wall and asked how long. I received my answer, told them I would be back later, and left the store. I sent a quick text. Just two hours.
I took a walk around the neighbourhood, one I knew all too well. I had lived here for around 10 years, with her moving to the area around the 4th year mark. I strolled past the park, where we sat on the swings when we were just getting to know each other. She had aspirations of building the first community center here, she just needed a way to fund it. I walked past the seedy sandwich shop that we always stopped at for lunch before she had gotten her new job. She had worked so hard to get into that firm. Outside there was a man, asking if anyone had spare change for some food. On the other side, a delivery truck zoomed by, obviously in a hurry. In a snap decision, I changed my course and walked into the shop. The inside was a little more cheerless than I remembered. The old lady behind the counter smiled at me. The usual, she asked. Her question made me pause to think. Of course she didn’t know. After a moment, I nodded. She continued by mentioning she hadn’t seen either of us in a while and were worried we had moved without saying anything. She asked me if I wanted either toasted. I nodded again. The old lady took the loaves and placed them in the oven, then turned back to me and said the familiar phrase. Just two minutes.
I paid, thanked her and left. I walked back to the man, handed him one of the sandwiches and put the rest of my cash into his hat. Before he got a word in, I turned around and continued on my way. While I was inside, the clouds had come together and began to darken over, indicating rain was not far away. I continued walking, past the entrance to the firm. I glanced inside. Everyone was focused on their tasks, no one carried the hurt I had. Or perhaps they were, and they were just better at not showing it. I saw a flower in one of the windows. A lily. Her favourite flower. It was still monochrome like everything else, but the petals just seemed to shine a little brighter. As I strolled down the main stretch, I saw that truck again, the man inside furiously punching in his next address before racing off anew. I continued for a little bit further before noticing my shoelace was undone. I bent down to tie it as a couple emerged from the apartment building a little ways in front of me. However, the lady quickly made a turn back for the door. "We’re going to be late", complained the man. "I forgot my purse, I’ll be quick", responded the woman. Just two seconds.
In my distraction, I forgot about tying my shoe until the feeling returned from my fingers. My thoughts had moved to the gathering we had hosted six weeks prior, her in her floral dress that got compliments all night. Her attached to my hip, eager to show me off even though she was the light of the party. Her in my arms, the sensation that had become all too familiar. Just then the lady emerged, climbed into the car and they drove off in the direction I came. As I followed the car past, my eyes got stuck. In truth, all of me froze. There she was, across the road, wearing the same dress. The pink and purple petals were vibrant against the cream backdrop. Her brown hair bounced like young tree branches in the wind. Her smile put sheer white pearls to shame. Nothing was ever quite as brilliant as her, and now here she was again. My voice didn’t work when I called out to her, so I coaxed my legs to move. Slowly at first, turning to run into her arms. She wasn’t even that far. Just two moments.
As I tried to break the paralysis that came over me, she opened her arms, welcoming me in once again. I grabbed the cars in front of me, clawing to get a better hold of my forward progress. As if the chains holding me back were removed all at once, I sprang forward, eager to feel her again, have her back with me. As I ran forward, my eyes were trained on her and her only. Then she disappeared. Everything did. For a second that seemed like an eternity, the only distinguishable features were a low droning noise that seemed to be getting louder and louder and a quicker noise, like someone shouting. But that came to a halt as well, as my vision returned. Feeling as if I was floating, I reached her and embraced her, feeling my longing flush over me, similar to that rainstorm during our first tender moment together. She dropped her arms and began to walk, holding her hand out for me to follow. As I moved, I felt weightless, like everything else in this world was benign. She led me down the path, my vision growing lighter as we proceeded. My light was leading me again, and this time I was not leaving her side, I was sure of it. Only her and I mattered now. Just two beings. And one infinity.
She told me she would see me again on Monday. She died later that Friday night. Wasn’t a problem between us at all. She was my other half. I miss her. (via reddit)